The feeling comes upon you so quickly, you don’t even know its happening.
Redmonton – Ep. 01 – Nobody Panic
It’s finally here! Ep 1! Enjoy!! new episodes every Tuesday
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amazing things my dog does
I was avidly working on my computer today being assaulted with nauseating dog farts when I was reminded that my poor old girl was aging so quickly. I briefly reminisced on her awesomeness…
- the time she graciously unlocked the truck when we accidentally locked her (and our keys) in there while at the gym. no joke. we kept pointing to the door and somehow she managed to keep pawing and unlock the door. it was magical.
- the time she jumped off the boat and swam to shore to use the bathroom. she literally swam to shore from our docked boat and back to the boat on 4th of July when we slept out on the water. it was so far but she is just so darn smart. you’d of had to been there – no one could believe she did it.
- all the times she has eaten the poop out of the litter box so I don’t have to clean it. awww thanks. not to mention all the loafs of bread and bagels she has stolen from the pantry and counter tops to save me from the carbs – at least that’s what I tell myself…
- and she’s always down to bring me some TP when C is too lazy to hook me up.
- all the pairs of underwear and socks she has carried into the bedroom from the laundry when I try to carry the huge load and drop stuff. it’s like “fetch” but not as fun.
- and most important – always being ready for a snuggle when anyone in the fam needs it.
- oh, and W and O would probably also like to add that she’s an excellent mock horse and live stuffed animal.
that’s a damn good dog.
Wedding Bound
C just got dressed, white dress shirt and slacks and turns to us and says “how do I look”
O turns around and gasps … “You’re wearing white to a wedding?!”
Valid point.
"I'm just a KID mom"
Every once in a while I get lucky and witness the girls playing together peacefully, cuddling or otherwise just being totally adorable. O has been teaching W songs recently (when they aren’t throwing down or scaring the shizzle out of each other). O stages W in her “acting scenes” and makes her “say her lines“. It’s adorable. She helps her sing “you are my sunshine” and has been working on ABC’s and numbers with her.
I’m not entirely sure what I witnessed O teaching W last night but it was so cute I had to spy-video it. I got it perfectly on film. I do however have a feeling it won’t be as cute if they actually use this one-liner on me anytime soon. Though I might be impressed at the methodology and thought behind it.
NEW trailer for the Redmonton Series!
Check out the NEW trailer for the Redmonton Series! Premieres on Tues, Oct 27.
O's favorite things
I’m big into lists right now. I don’t know why. I actually take that back, I have always been big into lists. My entire life is like a giant, never-ending to-do or grocery list. But maybe because the school season is approaching I have started thinking in an even more structured and nonsensical way about everything in my life.
So to go with the theme of lists here are five of O’s favorite things in life right now;
- making messes. It doesn’t matter where, it’s just her thing. Dumping toy boxes, spilling drinks, getting anything and everything everywhere. All messes in my house were created by her. (or the dog. Unless O is shredding dirty diapers and eating sh*t out of the trash can and just blaming the dog but I doubt it.)
- scotch tape. Scotch tape is like the newest obsession in my house. She scotch tapes everything. She tries to make books and scotch tape them together, I keep trying to introduce staples as a much more efficient book making mechanism but she won’t stand for it. She even scotch tapes her barbies to stuff, like the kitchen cabinet knobs. It’s like these poor barbies are trapped in giant scotch tape spider web fiasco’s all over my house. It’s both weird and creepy – however may be appropriate to keep around as Halloween Decor.
- as a side note W is into that blue painter tape. C uses it to tape down drawings and plans to the drawing table and W likes to rip off 1 million smallish pieces and stick them all over her face and body.
- stickers. F stickers. I hate you stickers. I have like a sticker infestation in my house right now. There are stickers stuck to the hardwood floors, toilets, toys, my desk, the kitchen table, the windows… when W was a baby I saw this weird blue thing in her mouth and C and I had to hold her down and dig a blue circular sticker with a flower on it out of her mouth – it was stuck to the roof of her mouth! I kept that one for the baby book obviously. All others stickers get destroyed onsite.
- signs. We have pictorial signs all over the place right now. There is a picture of a girl “scotch taped” (go figure) to the bathroom door because that’s the girls bathroom, sorry daddy you must go outside and do your business. There is a picture of W and another picture of O taped to either side of the family room, because that’s their respective sides of the room for playing. I also found about 8 random signs taped to the wall space above the couch in my office varying in images from flowers to unicorns.
- clothes. So she is super obsessed with clothes right now. I know, adorable right? No. It’s effing annoying. She is constantly changing, like “oh, I sneezed and got germs on this shirt – I must change 563 times and throw every article of clothing I own all over the room and for good measure I will also throw some over the upstairs railing down onto the couch in the family room. AND in case that doesn’t drive Mommy to hide in the pantry and drink copious amounts of wine I will THEN proceed to hide the most important articles of clothing, the staples mommy always picks for me to wear in hidden locations, like under the bed or at the bottom of the toy box….”
Listen to me complaining. Like I don’t think everything O does is the most absolutely adorable and hilarious thing ever ever ever. Keep doing your thing O, and I’ll just keep cleaning up after you, it’s my job – plus it gives me great material. (And interesting talking points when my neighbors come over. I doubt anybody else in the neighborhood has Barbies taped to their kitchen cabinets.)
Sh*t that freaks me out
in no particular order;
- turning the light out then running up the basement steps
- the ocean
- dead bodies – of any kind
- larva
- parasites
- having my ankles slit from someone hiding under my car or bed
- closed shower curtains
- bathroom mirrors at midnight
- tailgaters – not the party kind
- old men
- boogers
- thinking about people hiding in the trunk of my car, while I’m driving, at night
- ghosts
- bears
- gangsta’s
- Baltimore City, specifically where I work
- people choking
- heights
- vans with no windows
- men in groups
- parking garages
- feces
- mass transportation
- having an arm or leg hang off the bed when I’m sleeping
- motels
- masks
- Miley Cyrus
potty
We have a book “everybody potties”. Girls do it, boys do it, Grandma does it,Kitty does it, Puppy does it… and that’s basically the book. It’s cute and its that thick cardboard so your kids can chew on it and won’t be able to shred all the pages into subway lettuce like a gerbil in heat. Why do kids shred paper? It’s like this instinctual impulse to just destroy, everything. I can;t even build blocks with my kids because it’s always a fight. O has got the hang of it finally but W is like Godzilla still, no building or structure is safe. Maybe they learned it from the dog? She is a major shredder though her specialty is diapers. She doesn’t like the clean ones, the dirtier the better, it’s a sickness really.
Anyway I found this image of our book, I keep it in the car for light reading in traffic.
So I got this for O when she was small and W likes to read it in the car. All you have to say is “Pee-pee” and they go ape-shit laughing like hyenas on crack. If you say “Poop” there’s no coming back from that you will likley have an accident of some sort.
SOOO on to the point, O was begging me to read her “book” she is obsessed with making books these days, and I am annoyed because like any real mom I am always trying to do something that requires my full attention and I am never able to give my full attention to anything because someone is inevitably always requiring something of me AT ALL TIMES > wow, that seems harsh and awkward and a little violent but you know what I’m saying don’t act like you don’t.
So I take a break from whatever it is I am doing to look at her book because. And this is what I find…
Cover. Awwww. She can write her name so I am not sure what this says but it has a heart and a little girl so I say “Awwww”
Page 1. WHAT??? HAHAHHA OMG this is a COMEDY, ok damn well if I knew that I would have read it a long time ago, I LOVE comedies. Dude. Leslie Patricelli better watch her back because O is like totally as good an artist, (if not better since she’s 4) than that lady’s artist, or that lady if she does her own artwork.
then this page. BOOM > that’s what I’m screaming. what. She is clearly on the potty and she is doing her thang. Now, don’t be judgy – I don;t know if that’s the sink or one of those things you use on the beach to search for coins and other relativley metal things, or maybe she’s watching her iPad? I’m not sure, but you know what, it doesn’t even matter. Because my 4 year old writes books biatches and I can actually read them. I am like SO PROUD. She is so funny. And awesome and cute and smart and I just want to SQUEEZE her so hard that her eyes bug out. But in a loving way not a violent way.
Oh BTW when I was looking for the potty book image I found this:
This is so going in C’s stocking this year. I might buy everyone one.
2 cents
The good the bad and the ugly why the f did I watch this and ruin my life.
We love movies in this house and watch them in abundance. I used to watch everything from thrillers, slashers, sci-fi, action to drama… and then slowly the extreme versions of certain genres (thank you P.S. I love you, I had a migraine from excessive sobbing for like a month) began to erode my brain and etch themselves so deeply into my soul that I like couldn’t bounce back. Like I still won’t go into my bathroom and look in the mirror at midnight, I don’t care if you think that is juvenile it’s my life we’re talking about here. And I don’t care who you are if you’ve watched any Final Destination movies you aren’t driving behind any trucks with lumber, metal poles of re-bar or any other building material even if it is strapped down. It’s unclear to me if this is some sort of a hormonal imbalance or just the fact I have an obsessive personality with a tendency to hold on to all things emotional way too long. Maybe it’s because I am an artist, yea lets go with that.
So I am laying in bed wondering what I should blog about since nothing particularly exciting has been happening lately and it dawned on me why I was laying in bed at 1:47 am wide awake in a certain state of paranoia anyway.
***spoiler alerts***
Backcountry – An urban couple go camping in the woods and find themselves lost in the territory of a predatory black bear.
So usually I read a synopsis of all movies C buys because he isn’t as discriminatory about watching movies that ruin your life, or ability to sleep at night. Somehow I missed the part about the black bear and just figured it was a typical escape for your life from some backcountry hillbillies, or marijuana growers, or drug dealers or any other group of bad guys that would typically hunt down a couple in the woods. It started off harmless enough with a romantic canoe down a mountain and camping in the woods, slow and awkward – then all the sudden it took a turn for the worst, showing excessively graphic mauling of human flesh, skin being torn from limbs. I mean this guy was essentially gutted having his intestines eaten while simultaneously screaming at his girlfriend to effing run for her life. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so terrified and scarred had canoeing and camping in bear country not been a favorite pastime of mine – see my earlier post on “wild camping”. I feel sick writing this and when the sprinklers came on at 10 pm and water started hitting my window I was absolutely effing certain a bear was attempting to break into my house to dine on my organs.
The Forger – A thief works with his father and son to forge a painting by Monet and steal the original. Together, they plan the heist of their lives.
YES. Thank you John Travolta for being in this movie, NOT. Who doesn’t love the other JT? Well this synopsis is a bit misleading if your like me with a tenancy to break a muther effing pipe and lose all ability to control the water works this movie is NOT for you. It was also slow, not the original action movie we thought it would be. As a matter of fact what the synopsis should read is “A thief makes a bad deal to get out of prison and spend quality time with his teen son who is dying of cancer” No I didn’t see that coming until it was too late either. You can thank me later for saving you a night of emotional turmoil.
Avengers Age of Ultron – amazing, a little bit of side story’s to go with the main plot. Light, action packed no tears no fears. C thought it was too busy. I liked it, I did weep like a baby at a certain point but someone had to die.
Terminator Genisys – very good. Might be my favorite so far. It was a little confusing, there was a lot of time hoping and parents younger than children and weird computer talk, and memories happening before they actually happened kind of stuff so it was a bit hard to exactly follow but whatever its a terminator movie, just freaking run for your life and you’ll be a’ight.
Strike Back (2010) – This is a bit of an older TV show that I saw on Amazon Prime and remembered my parents and my brothers were in to so I started watching. Wow. It’s good, I got sucked in and watched the two Prime seasons and then bought the third and watched. The cast is attractive, the plot for each episode is exciting, lots of action, (lots of hardcore nudity and awfully rowdy sexual content which I could of done without) but other than that it was soooo good. I’m even less sad that the series ended because one of the leads (Sullivan Stapleton; also seen in 300 Rise of an Empire – soooooo good) is in a new series called Blindspot which I plan to check out.
Under the Dome – ugh what happened? It was off to a good start but now I can’t even get through an episode. I guess with any series you binge watch your bound to run into the inevitable lack of plot. Especially stories like this that aren’t really going anywhere story wise anyway…
Is it better to have a series burn itself out? (Beauty & the Beast, Under the Dome) Or END (or get dropped) and leave you feeling abandoned and empty like your boyfriend just dumped you. (White Collar, The Tomorrow People) I don;t know all the answers but I hate when good things come to an end. It’s so hard to fill the void.