I may be a bat shit crazy helicopter mom with regards to safety hazards but I will be dammed if my children’s serial lack of situation awareness doesn’t both constitute and justify my consistent and habitual behavior.

I have a new love of snow crab legs that I like to enjoy while sitting on a bean bag at the coffee table. It’s the little things people, let me eat my crab legs and drink my wine while watching a movie on a Monday night…

Anyway it was a regular evening around 8 pm of course right before bed when O decided to do a swan dive over her pottery barn anywhere chair straight into the coffee table. Right in front of my face, literally inches away! It was fast and clean and very Ninja like. She essentially did some sort of screwed up reverse back bend while simultaneously smashing her facial area into the edge of the table. With my cat like reflexes I snatched her up and ran into the kitchen, I have no idea why,  suppose the kitchen seemed like an appropriate place to run to – maybe it was my fight or flight impulse to just run somewhere. Regardless I grabbed her face and inspected her mouth to see all her teeth in place and not bleeding! Thank little baby Jesus. C runs over at this point and I reassure him she is totally fine and it just sounded worse than it was. Except he disagrees and says put on a bra we’re going to the ER. Not sure why I didn’t think to look at her chin but there it was a gaping hole. My worst fear, ok well one of them, there are a lot but this is up there.

To be fair she didn’t even cry all that much. I on the other hand….

So disgusting.

Note to anyone who has a “clean” cut. They requested the use of glue which at the time I was all for because it seemed less invasive and traumatic for all of us involved but the glue didn’t seem to hold and the wound opened significantly over the next day or so. I was so disappointed I didn’t demand stitches, oh well live and learn. We got a prescription silicone scar gel to treat the scar and over the last few weeks it has helped drastically but what a nightmare.