real men have large ears which double as handles for their young, very similar to kangaroo pouches for joey’s or giant monkey nipples for tiny baby monkeys to cling to.
#TBT
someone seriously didn’t think this through, or maybe they did and the joke’s on us?
real men series 4
real men endure torture of all degrees.
real men series 3
real men actively participate in child rearing, for example taking their young childrens to gymnastics. I know what your thinking but it still counts even if the leotard is installed backwards and the poor child has a perma wedgie all class.
real men series 2
real men do yoga in the wee hours of the morning, before work, wearing all white.
movie night
me “you guys wanna watch Moby Dick?”
W “no, I wanna watch My Little Pony Dick.”
me “…”
real men series 1
real men carry the groceries in for their ladies. all at one time. every single bag. one trip. boom. then they ruin it by saying something stupid like “make me dinner woman“. but mine doesn’t do that because for 1, he knows all I bought was junk food anyway and for 2, I don’t know how to cook so anything I made would likely make him vomit, or at least feel very ill. lucky guy.
bedtime games
Bedtime Games is one of the most serious and intense games out there for parents and children to participate in. My advice is Pregame Hard. Play with caution. Play with integrity. Play to win. And most of all, stay strong my fellow parents – stay strong to fight another day.
passive aggressive
passive aggressive shit via my kids
- W yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” when she’s pissed. Pretty sure thats a big F. U.
- O draws crying stick figures and hearts breaking when she gets in trouble and tapes them all over the house
- W freezes people who get on her bad side with her “stuper powers” a la evil Elsa
- O regularly threatens that I will have to snuggle with the cat if I make her go to bed too early.
she looks snuggley, right? - They literally pick their toys UP OFF THE FLOOR when I tell them to clean up
- W goes through the house shutting and locking all the effing bedroom doors. She knows I hate going up and down the stairs, I am not athletic – it winds me.
- O throws anything she breaks in the trash can so she doesn’t get busted – no matter who’s stuff it is.
- W will poop on the floor if we don’t turn on the bathroom light for her, every time.
For real though. Thats a total knife. I found this picture and the story behind it is right there however I don’t read squiggle line so I don’t know what it says. I’m going to assume this is the result of something C did to make O angry – the fact that it’s in red and furiously squiggly I bet its a horror story. I’ll confirm and follow up. This is juicy – yet terrifying at the same time… to be continued
wax on
So you know how after you get your eyebrows waxed they usually pluck a little leftover hairs out? And then sometimes the person tries to pull a fast one and starts plucking your mustache? — oh thats never happened to you? Oh, yea of course not. Me either. Totally not me, I was just like what if that happened, like what would you do? Ya know? Ha… cuz it would suck so bad… for you if that happened… which it didn’t happen… to me, I mean. Oh my damn.