I really bought some weird shit from Amazon last year.
Have you ever thought about guys you’ve dated in the past and been like, “What?! Come. On. What was I smoking? That is bad, like reallllll bad.” No? Yes you have, don’t lie. Well, I was basically doing that the other day while looking through my Amazon history. Yes, it is basically the same thing, like whattt was I thinking? Let me explain.
These are the top weirdest things I bought on Amazon last year.
First off, yes I did buy 1 dozen inflatable aliens in a variety of colors, and I do realize that at first impression this is just straight up weird. Unless, of course, you are having an X-Files themed party, which I wasn’t, but that would have been a totally legit excuse, am I right?
Ok, so let me explain the reality… We went to Dutch Wonderland, Wave won at some, throw-your-bean-bag-in-a-hole-cut-into-this plywood board game-thing and she got to choose a toy. ANY toy mind you and what does she pick? A giant 3’ purple blow up alien. Ok, this kids got some serious issues, but whatever it was funny. Or so we thought, at first. The weird thing? She like LOVED this dam thing. She brought it everywhere and played with it non stop. It ended up scaring the bajesus out of me and Chris multiple times because it would just stand up on its own. I am going to go with “static” as a reason this thing would just end up standing in the middle of the hallways by itself, but just like X-Files people, no one will ever really know what the cause was.
I do know that it popped and Wave was so distraught that I ended up buying a dozen and passed them out to the kids on vacation that summer.
So this was actually a legit purchase. No, for real, it was, hear me out. I wanted to do that Master Cleanse diet where you lose all this weight because for seven days you live off your own, homemade lemonade. You squeeze lemons and mix in some maple syrup and chili powder. Thats a very rudimentary summary of a very deep cleanse. I was so hungry after the first day I was essentially eating lemon pulp. Lets just say this diet didn’t last 48 hours and the purchase is rotting away in a cabinet, never to be used again.
Damn you Dr Oz, you are a thief and a liar! He got me too, you guys, I really thought this was a magic diet pill. Alas, I got real jumpy after that first dosage. Maybe its secret crack or something. I don’t much about this mysterious cambogia but even packaging looks shady, like they made that shizz in someones basement, and then printed out the label of Microsoft Paint. Nobody uses paint anymore! Then I bought it. Now this stupid purchase also sits in a cabinet. It needs to be tossed in the trash. I might go do that now wile I am thinking of it…
So what do you get the guy that has everything? A spear gun, of course. Yea, in hindsight maybe this was a dangerous purchase but I really thought he would use it…. And he didn’t. I think he shot it in the yard a couple times and he did strap it to his tactical canoe, but hey, just between you and me – he only used his tactical canoe once too, so do you guys see a theme here? If my love of spending money and receiving amazon boxes at my front door wasn’t so strong, I would almost feel sheepish about these purchase… almost.
Stop judging, for real this was an investment. This disco ball gets some use – I kid you not, and kids love it! We plug it in an outlet outside of our camper at night and its so cool! We also use it inside sometimes when the kids have dance parties or just feel like turning off all the lights and getting DOWWWWWWN. Get down, get down! Gotta sing that last line to the tune of Jungle Boogie or it doesn’t work.
So what do you guys buy on Amazon thats totally ridiculous?