holiday cheer

I asked O what I should blog about and after we got past the “I don’t know what your even talking about, blogs” like I was talking to some ninety year old woman who says the word “blogs” with such utter disdain and sheer resentment for what the world has come to… sheesh you are four.

anyway we agreed I should write about funny stuff that happened over the holiday break. My funny compared to her funny may be a little different but she had a good idea mentioning our Christmas Elf – Flounder.

My kids got the shaft, actually it was just O because Flounder had been around longer than W. I was walking around Marshalls and saw this sorry looking Elf on the Shelf knock off brand and figured “who cares what it looks like, right?” Little did I know it was going to blow up into this huge Christmas tradition that everyone talks about. I feel bad because Flounder is so ugly, and a bit scary looking but I am scared the girls will freak out if I try to upgrade to the normal commercial Elves that everybody else has.

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The girls LOVE Flounder though and they are SO into Elf on the shelf. Grandmom babysat a few days before Christmas. I started getting frantic texts the girls were both hysterically crying she had accidentally knocked Flounder off the door frame and then TOUCHED HIM OMG.

I had to hide in an office and make the shape of the heart with my hands and text it back to O so she knew that code meant Flounder would still have enough Christmas magic to get back to Santa.

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I also ran out of “secret candy” the girls didn’t know about and started using some from our own stash and they were PISSED. O was like Flounder is a thief! 

Effing Flounder has it rough man. I get so annoyed with the shit I have to make Flounder do then clean up that I really lame out on his mischief. Our Elf is really laid back and typically very considerate of my time and energy.

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Other random funny shit.

Chris hiding on the ceiling then waiting patiently for me to walk in the bathroom to scare the hell out of me for no reason at all. I don’t know how long he had to wait. Weirdo.

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O using her birthday makeup to make W look like a hooker.

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A grown ass man riding a pink tricycle.

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cards against humanity

Hangin’ with the fam Christmas eve is always fun. We are a pretty candid and sarcastic bunch so the laughs usually keep rolling all night long.

This year we played Cards against Humanity and I pretty much thought I was going to be sore the next day from laughing so hard. I will never be certain who thought of the answers on these cards but they are twisted. And they have a weird obsession with Harry Potter and butt holes. If your family is relatively open and you don’t have any medium age children around this game rocks.

I didn’t have any photos from this evening but here are a pair of clips of C and one of my brothers, striking similarly ridonculous poses.

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MET showcase

It’s our showcase we can cry if we want to, which I almost did because I was almost very late! There were protests going on and SO MUCH TRAFFIC. I left work and drove to Rockville for an audition (first one from being in that principal database, whoo-hooo!) anticipating getting to the MET with an hour to spare for rehearsals with Rose. Rose is my scene partner and newest BF. She is the most awesome person ever, I am so lucky to have met her. Hi Rose!!

We did a scene from Wonder of the World. It’s some crazy play where Rose just finds out her husband swallows Barbie doll heads because he likes to, uh – erotically pass them. I know, right. Who thinks of this stuff? Gross. My role is a drunk and my husband leaves me because of my excessive drinking and bad manners. We meet on a bus to Niagara Falls where I am going to kill myself and Rose is going to start anew. An unlikely friendship and adventure. Cuteness.

We did the bus scene where we first meet.

Bravo Rose! You were spectacular.