fun & games

Sometimes I call my mom and ask her if my kids are normal. I wonder if that’s normal. I would look on the internet but I’ve learned my lesson far too many times from doing that. The more recent child weirdness I’ve experienced is them making up their own shady games. I don’t get these games. The way the two of them laugh so freaking hard and hysterically it’s almost as if the games mean something I don’t get. Like an inside joke!  I finally couldn’t take it anymore and made O give me the low down on the two most popular games they have been playing.  Get ready for some ambiguity.

The top two weird games my kids play and created on their own.

  1. Grabby Goat. Yes. What the hell is that. O tried to explain.
    O “Someone puts a blanket on top of something and then someone grabs it off.”
    Um, ok.
    Me “like puts a blanket on top of some toys?”
    O “uh, noooo, only on top humans”
    Me “humans as in W?”
    O “well, yea, I always have to be the goat because W will just bite me. She always tries to bite me and she bit me in my arm, see?”
  2. Man in his Truck. There was no plausible explanation for this alleged game. O said the game is that W pretends to be a “man, in his truck” when she wears our dog, Lady’s pink doggles. Doggles are Dog sunglasses/goggles. So W puts the pink Doggles on then both of them run wildly around the entire house screaming “man in his truck! man in his truck! man in his truck!” like coked up maniacs. I have so many unanswered questions. Why she is a man? What do doggles have to do with a truck? I tried to press O for additional background on this game to no avail. Trade secrets maybe.

I may never understand the inner workings of preschool minds or their methods for developing games. It may just be an excuse to run around the house and act crazy, I wish they would create a quiet game, maybe they could pretend to be Cinderella and clean the whole house? Now that’s a game I can get behind.

 

Sh*t that freaks me out

in no particular order;

  1. turning the light out then running up the basement steps 
  2. the ocean
  3. dead bodies – of any kind 
  4. larva 
  5. parasites
  6. having my ankles slit from someone hiding under my car or bed
  7. closed shower curtains 
  8. bathroom mirrors at midnight 
  9. tailgaters – not the party kind
  10. old men 
  11. boogers
  12. thinking about people hiding in the trunk of my car, while I’m driving, at night
  13. ghosts
  14. bears
  15. gangsta’s
  16. Baltimore City, specifically where I work 
  17. people choking 
  18. heights
  19. vans with no windows 
  20. men in groups
  21. parking garages
  22. feces
  23. mass transportation 
  24. having an arm or leg hang off the bed when I’m sleeping 
  25. motels
  26. masks
  27. Miley Cyrus

Ensemble Theatre

I hate theatre, harsh I know. I thought it was cheesy and who in the duck can memorize an entire script anyway? But this is my year of trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone so I signed up for an adult acting class at the community theatre.

Class one was cool. There was about 7 people in the first class and I warmed up pretty fast. We did some emotional exercises and some warm ups but all together it set up a good feel for what was to come.

Class two on the other hand was a bit more surprising, about 12 people showed up. All races, ages and mixes. A real melting pot, which is cool. Class started like normal –a warm up to get our creative and emotional juices flowing, we had to circle around passing the emotion. Then came the weird stuff…

We were given a monologue directory at the end of the first class and were told to at least memorize the first sentence of a choice monologue. We then performed the first sentence of our monologue whilst thrusting different emotions from our hips. Imagine dry humping the air with your hips and hands, palms up. (I know my mom will eventually be reading this and probably seriously reconsider sending my kid brother there for any form of drama camp but it isn’t as bad as it sounds.) It actually, surprisingly made a lot of sense. We did a 10 count of thrusting – counting, then we made some weird noise while doing it, then we said our line. We did, happy, sad and angry. It made you try the line in different emotions and stop thinking about what you were saying and just go with it. It did make for an awkward conversation when I got home and C asked me what I did in class…

Just go with it. If I can dry hump my way through my monologue in front of a live audience, what else am I capable of?