Tag Archives: scared

the ocean

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I don’t get in the ocean. It’s lovely and amazing and beautiful and terrifying. Like a million people got bitten by sharks this year. That’s all anyone heard about all summer. Shark bites, shark bites, and the devastatingly substantial increase in the amount of shark attacks. The crazy part is according to the research C and I did on the subject there was a similar amount of shark attacks last year and the year before. At least that was what we found on the internet, and C’s phone has since gotten a weird virus so maybe that website was sketchy to say the least but either way… I don’t know what the truth is about the amount of shark bites but I’m not getting in (and neither are my kids) so it doesn’t much matter.

C and I debated the subject – he assured me the probability of me getting bitten by a shark while at the beach was probably statistically about the same as me winning the lottery.

I laughed at him and told him the following; 

I am as scared of sharks as I am many items in the ocean. My fear is equally divided among these oceanic atrocities;

  1. sharks
  2. zombies
  3. sink holes
  4. rip tides
  5. sting rays (and skates)
  6. seaweed
  7. jellyfish

All that stuff is both appalling and while maybe not factually accurate, I am a relativity reasonable human being and while I logically know there are no zombies in the ocean fear cannot be rationalized. I’ve seen far too many under sea movies of frothy faced carcasses grabbing peoples legs and pulling them down to Davy Jones’s locker not to be able to visualize that happening to me while waist deep. No thank you.

audition time

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Well, this is it my friends. Time to see if my one improvisation class has paid off yet. Picture this; stranded woman on highway rescued by mysterious trucker who – gasp – turns out to be a ghost?! Insert shrieks, trembles, sobs and shakey hands here. This is for a legit show too. I need to go practice stat while my kids aren’t home. Somehow I also need to video tape this myself… this could get interesting. Hopefully my neighbors don’t call the police, or see me doing this – period. They already have to think I’m crazy, especially after I bought all those chickens. I’m sure the HOA just love, love, loves me.

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But, in other things exciting we have improve class deuce tonight! I am actually very – very excited. I’ve been practicing all week. Totally bouncing ideas off my three year old. She is so good. I’ll ask her something standard like “O, come over here so I can brush your hair” and she comes back at me with “It’s growing so long because I take my vitamins, it’s going to grow down my back, and out the window, and over the cliff, and over the train tracks, and then the train will just run it over.” Seriously. I can’t make that up. Like I said, she is so good!

I even ordered Whose Line is it Anyway? off Amazon. Going to get myself all pumped up before class, get some ideas and stuff so I can go in fresh. I love getting excited about stuff; like Christmas, and my birthday, and losing 3 lbs after a really bad stomach virus. You know it’s the small stuff that just adds up.

Ok. I gotta go get my scream on. I’ll keep everyone posted, unless I don’t get a call-back then I will never speak of this again. PEACE.