Tag Archives: reality

potty

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We have a book “everybody potties”. Girls do it, boys do it, Grandma does it,Kitty does it, Puppy does it… and that’s basically the book. It’s cute and its that thick cardboard so your kids can chew on it and won’t be able to shred all the pages into subway lettuce like a gerbil in heat. Why do kids shred paper? It’s like this instinctual impulse to just destroy, everything. I can;t even build blocks with my kids because it’s always a fight. O has got the hang of it finally but W is like Godzilla still, no building or structure is safe. Maybe they learned it from the dog? She is a major shredder though her specialty is diapers. She doesn’t like the clean ones, the dirtier the better, it’s a sickness really.

Anyway I found this image of our book, I keep it in the car for light reading in traffic.

So I got this for O when she was small and W likes to read it in the car. All you have to say is “Pee-pee” and they go ape-shit laughing like hyenas on crack. If you say “Poop” there’s no coming back from that you will likley have an accident of some sort.

SOOO on to the point, O was begging me to read her “book” she is obsessed with making books these days, and I am annoyed because like any real mom I am always trying to do something that requires my full attention and I am never able to give my full attention to anything because someone is inevitably always requiring something of me AT ALL TIMES > wow, that seems harsh and awkward and a little violent but you know what I’m saying don’t act like you don’t.

So I take a break from whatever it is I am doing to look at her book because. And this is what I find…

IMG_5914 Cover. Awwww. She can write her name so I am not sure what this says but it has a heart and a little girl so I say “Awwww”

IMG_5915  Page 1. WHAT??? HAHAHHA OMG this is a COMEDY, ok damn well if I knew that I would have read it a long time ago, I LOVE comedies. Dude. Leslie Patricelli better watch her back because O is like totally as good an artist, (if not better since she’s 4) than that lady’s artist, or that lady if she does her own artwork.

IMG_5916 then this page. BOOM > that’s what I’m screaming. what. She is clearly on the potty and she is doing her thang. Now, don’t be judgy – I don;t know if that’s the sink or one of those things you use on the beach to search for coins and other relativley metal things, or maybe she’s watching her iPad? I’m not sure, but you know what, it doesn’t even matter. Because my 4 year old writes books biatches and I can actually read them. I am like SO PROUD. She is so funny. And awesome and cute and smart and I just want to SQUEEZE her so hard that her eyes bug out. But in a loving way not a violent way.

Oh BTW when I was looking for the potty book image I found this:

This is so going in C’s stocking this year. I might buy everyone one.

dammit

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As a mother I try to avoid profanity as much as possible so in moments of utter frustration I tend to huff really loud similar to an animal giving birth.

something like: uggggghhhhhhhhhHHHHHH in various tones and pitches.

However, O just informed me “when something goes wrong, I need to yell DAMMIT really loud“.

Sounds legit.

things just got real

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I just got accepted into my first principal database by a known local casting director. I am on cloud nine right now. I don’t know the significance of that saying but I know it’s supposed to be very awesome and I feel very awesome right now.

I auditioned for this office back and January and never got a call back. So I knew I sucked. That is actually why I decided to do the Improv and the Theatre classes. Guess it has finally paid off! Now if I could just book a gig…

I performed the monologue I studied in class at MET during the summer session. I even got real tears going! It felt good!

So now when (ahem – speaking) roles become available for ladies with my stats I will be emailed to go audition. I can’t wait!!!!

Ensemble Theatre

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I hate theatre, harsh I know. I thought it was cheesy and who in the duck can memorize an entire script anyway? But this is my year of trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone so I signed up for an adult acting class at the community theatre.

Class one was cool. There was about 7 people in the first class and I warmed up pretty fast. We did some emotional exercises and some warm ups but all together it set up a good feel for what was to come.

Class two on the other hand was a bit more surprising, about 12 people showed up. All races, ages and mixes. A real melting pot, which is cool. Class started like normal –a warm up to get our creative and emotional juices flowing, we had to circle around passing the emotion. Then came the weird stuff…

We were given a monologue directory at the end of the first class and were told to at least memorize the first sentence of a choice monologue. We then performed the first sentence of our monologue whilst thrusting different emotions from our hips. Imagine dry humping the air with your hips and hands, palms up. (I know my mom will eventually be reading this and probably seriously reconsider sending my kid brother there for any form of drama camp but it isn’t as bad as it sounds.) It actually, surprisingly made a lot of sense. We did a 10 count of thrusting – counting, then we made some weird noise while doing it, then we said our line. We did, happy, sad and angry. It made you try the line in different emotions and stop thinking about what you were saying and just go with it. It did make for an awkward conversation when I got home and C asked me what I did in class…

Just go with it. If I can dry hump my way through my monologue in front of a live audience, what else am I capable of?

improv 101

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Improv 101 is over. What an amazing opportunity. I’m so glad that I bit the bullet and got out of my comfort zone and did something like that. While I find myself personally hilarious I would never suggest that I am by any means skillfully funny. Although from what I learned in class, and read on improv-haters blogs, improv is not supposed to be funny. Huh, who knew?! Anyway it’s totally helped me with off the cuff and public speaking work-wise so brownie points.

Leading up to my last class, or the “showcase’ was weird. The “what if’s” were in full force, “what if I say something disturbing”, “what if I go-up”, “what if I pee my pants”, “what if everyone thinks I suck balls”. Then all would be cool and I wouldn’t stress a bit. Then I would get back all in my own head and have all these crazy thoughts swirling around and little voices taunting me. I know, so freaking nuts. It’s an artistic brain or something, I read about artists being sensitive and weird all the time. But then our teacher sent us this guy Jimmy Carrane’s Blog called Improv Nerd.

It. Was. Life changing.

Not because he’s this great improver or hilarious, which he may very well be – but it was how he articulated pre show nerves and the range of emotions he would feel before and after a performance. He claims to have all kinds of emotional anxiety and maybe that’s why I related so much but it gave me the courage to get out of my own head and pretend to feel confident. And I did. And the show was awesome. And apparently I was always the mad, angry or yelling character, which maybe leads me to think maybe improv is my outlet for repressed emotional anger. That’s deep.

I love summer

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It’s been so long since I’ve blogged. I often think about doing it but just haven’t had the time. It’ mostly because I love summer. The days are longer and there is so many more options to do stuff other than sit in front of a computer. And I have been doing so much recently. Here is a mini update on my kind of exciting life;

I finished my improv class. What a success!

I signed up for an acting on camera class. This has been a rollercoaster class, it’s on Saturdays and I’m alllllways late, arriving disheveled and stressed. But it’s great to practice on camera and I do get to see myself on the silver screen!

I also signed up for an acting class. Guess if I am going to continue to go on these auditions I should, oh I don’t know, learn the basics? I have taken a hiatus from submitting for auditions to work on this script analysis class. The first class was also a success! Woo-hoo me.

I have a recent and almost disturbing obsession with thinking about refurbishing furniture purchased from off craigslist. I have made 3 large furniture purchases from craigslist in the past two weeks and cannot stop myself from stalking the site every day for more.

I have moved on from the days spent on frivolous Target purchases to become a compulsive Amazon Prime shopper. They lured me in with the 30 day free trial and I am smitten. I love when I run out of something these days because I just hop on amazon and wham, bam, than you ma’am it’s delivered to my door step within 3 days. It’s so exciting seeing boxes on my door step awaiting my arrival home. What is it, what is it?! Oh, it’s the vacuum bags I ordered. Fun!

grumpy gills

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doctor-who-20

Nothing serious. Just that nagging feeling that starts building up one iota at a time… sat in traffic for two hours, binged on multiple bags of chips, haven’t worked out, haven’t lost any weight (duh, chips much…) haven’t gotten any call-backs, am dead zombie tired, all is lost, where is my life going, what is the meaning of existence… you know that kind of gloom. It’s even a gloomy day. And once you start feeling sorry for yourself every red light you catch, every stubbed toe, every damn overcooked meal feels like 100 additional pounds weighing down on your shoulders. Until you crack. Bring forth the waterworks. Heavy stuff, shoulder shaking, air gasping – reaching to the sky and screaming out kind. Think like the movies. But it’s so true, and once you start sobbing like a little baby it almost feels good. So you start thinking of all the awful horrible things that have happened to you and make yourself cry even harder. My personal favorite is to cry in the car, I like to turn on a miserable song – something by Sarah McLachlan and just reminisce about every bad thing that ever happened in my life. My BFF says she like to do it in the shower, just lean up against the wall and let the hot water beat you down in defeat and sob your little heart out. Ahhhh. I need that soon. I actually feel better already just talking about it.

audition time

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Well, this is it my friends. Time to see if my one improvisation class has paid off yet. Picture this; stranded woman on highway rescued by mysterious trucker who – gasp – turns out to be a ghost?! Insert shrieks, trembles, sobs and shakey hands here. This is for a legit show too. I need to go practice stat while my kids aren’t home. Somehow I also need to video tape this myself… this could get interesting. Hopefully my neighbors don’t call the police, or see me doing this – period. They already have to think I’m crazy, especially after I bought all those chickens. I’m sure the HOA just love, love, loves me.

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But, in other things exciting we have improve class deuce tonight! I am actually very – very excited. I’ve been practicing all week. Totally bouncing ideas off my three year old. She is so good. I’ll ask her something standard like “O, come over here so I can brush your hair” and she comes back at me with “It’s growing so long because I take my vitamins, it’s going to grow down my back, and out the window, and over the cliff, and over the train tracks, and then the train will just run it over.” Seriously. I can’t make that up. Like I said, she is so good!

I even ordered Whose Line is it Anyway? off Amazon. Going to get myself all pumped up before class, get some ideas and stuff so I can go in fresh. I love getting excited about stuff; like Christmas, and my birthday, and losing 3 lbs after a really bad stomach virus. You know it’s the small stuff that just adds up.

Ok. I gotta go get my scream on. I’ll keep everyone posted, unless I don’t get a call-back then I will never speak of this again. PEACE.

yes, and

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Taking a quick lunch break from my regularly scheduled programming (i.e. work) to update ya’ll on this new adventure I have embarked on. I enrolled in an Improv class last night, and it was AWESOME.

This is my self-proclaimed year of change and I have committed to stop procrastinating and making up excuses and as Nike has so eloquently put it Just Do It. Yea I know, that was so lame, but guess what I don’t even care. I’m running on no sleep, extra caffeine and leftover adrenaline from doing something new, that I love but that also terrifies me. It’s the weirdest thing; I love being in the spotlight but at the same time I get so much gut wrenching anxiety thinking about it. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m like an adrenaline junkie who loves the rush of possibly being awesome and making everyone laugh or totally bombing and looking like the biggest terd, ever.

The teacher was totally fantastic too. She was so Melissa McCarthy. I mean, I laughed just looking at her. (I was also jacked on coffee so I was laughing at everything) Getting there was hard though, it was deep in the city which is a total recipe in my book for a panic attack. I actually got there ok, found parking ok and found the building ok – locked and closed but ok. After pacing the block back and forth looking for a way in a random guy in a fedora walked over let me in the back door. Yes it was sketchy inside and very Alice in Wonderlandish as I then followed a ballerina into a dark stairwell to the theatre in the basement, complete with naked paintings hung on the walls. But the class was so cool and we played all these confidence building games and learned some Improv basics like yes, and. Which means “yes” – you always have to agree with your scene partner “and” – you have to build on what they said with something relevant to continue the conversation.

I felt so Who’s Line is it Anyway? which is by the way such an awesome show if you’ve never scene it. Blah! Had to, sorry. More to come on how I put my foot in my mouth, it always happens.