fun & games

Sometimes I call my mom and ask her if my kids are normal. I wonder if that’s normal. I would look on the internet but I’ve learned my lesson far too many times from doing that. The more recent child weirdness I’ve experienced is them making up their own shady games. I don’t get these games. The way the two of them laugh so freaking hard and hysterically it’s almost as if the games mean something I don’t get. Like an inside joke!  I finally couldn’t take it anymore and made O give me the low down on the two most popular games they have been playing.  Get ready for some ambiguity.

The top two weird games my kids play and created on their own.

  1. Grabby Goat. Yes. What the hell is that. O tried to explain.
    O “Someone puts a blanket on top of something and then someone grabs it off.”
    Um, ok.
    Me “like puts a blanket on top of some toys?”
    O “uh, noooo, only on top humans”
    Me “humans as in W?”
    O “well, yea, I always have to be the goat because W will just bite me. She always tries to bite me and she bit me in my arm, see?”
  2. Man in his Truck. There was no plausible explanation for this alleged game. O said the game is that W pretends to be a “man, in his truck” when she wears our dog, Lady’s pink doggles. Doggles are Dog sunglasses/goggles. So W puts the pink Doggles on then both of them run wildly around the entire house screaming “man in his truck! man in his truck! man in his truck!” like coked up maniacs. I have so many unanswered questions. Why she is a man? What do doggles have to do with a truck? I tried to press O for additional background on this game to no avail. Trade secrets maybe.

I may never understand the inner workings of preschool minds or their methods for developing games. It may just be an excuse to run around the house and act crazy, I wish they would create a quiet game, maybe they could pretend to be Cinderella and clean the whole house? Now that’s a game I can get behind.

 

post snow epiphanies

I learned so much so far in this blizzard. See as follows so you can learn from my errors and be prepared next time, which apparently may be sooner than we all hoped – and by sooner I mean anytime 2016 this side of summer.

  1. Ration your snacks. I ate all my snacks Friday night and had to suffer the rest of the weekend on sub par ordinary snacks, it was awful.
  2. Buy extra crafts for your children (or yourself). I bought a bag of crafts Thursday and as I was being given the snowmagedon rundown my thieving childrens found my bag and blew through the stash. Little shits.
  3. In addition to toilet paper make sure you have laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent! I mean seriously??? I get stuck in my house for a long weekend and instead of being productive and washing stuff I ran out of BOTH types of detergents. This is like my personal ADD and compulsive cleaning hell.
  4. Don’t lift huge pieces of frozen salt over your head because in the middle of the night when you scratch your scalp you will flip your shit when you feel the crumbles that fell into your hair and think you have bugs or lice or crabs or some other disgusting something in your head. I was mostly asleep so the first thing I thought was “sand” from the beach today… Wait – WHAT!!!!?????? The salt blocks were SO frozen I had to use a sledge hammer to crack them then lifted them over my head to heave them to the ground, yes I’m like Thor, so very strong.
  5. Get water proof gloves. Dammit.
  6. Rent lots of movies with sexy men. Because. (actually does anybody rent movies anymore? oh well.)
  7. Make sure you buy cough drops. As much as I screamed at my children this weekend by Sunday my throat was very sore. I really needed some. Wine sufficed, but lets be real here what isn’t it good for. Except for carpet, wine is never good for the carpet.
  8. ok, I realllly wanted this to be a ten items list but I’m out of additional tips for now.
  9. STAY WARM!
  10. Just seeing ten on here makes me happy even if this is just bogus words to fill space. Don’t Judge!