Tag Archives: humor

rockin royals

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The girls newest obsession is playing rockin royals. One is a princess and one is a pop star. But W keeps calling it a poptart and they both fight over being the poptart. In the photo above W got the shaft and had to play paparazzi. This is totally normal right?

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This is becoming a major issue at home though because W is at the I’m scared of the dark, and dogs barking, and loud noises, and shadows, and monsters, and bugs, and the ice maker, ok everything. so turn on the lights, as a matter of fact turn on every light in the house and also walk into the bathroom with me every time I have to pee.

And O is like “turn off all the lights in the house and shine a flashlight on me so I can sing and dance in the sole spot light like a typical amazing popstar should.”

and I am all like “both of you STOP FIGHTING and go downstairs I’m trying to watch The Grimm.”

Here is the perfect example of what my two children look like terrified in the dark. What is going on here? They had all the lights out with a flashlight shining in their faces and the had their ipad set up on the coffee table. The reflection of the flashlight is on the wall above them – it looks creepy too, like an alien orb or something.

Look at their faces! That does not look like fun. I walked by and was like “are you watching something scary!”

The both just said “noooo. dora the explorer.”

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bling

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Daddy was on daycare duty while O was at an audition a few weeks ago. He text me this adorable picture of W enjoying her new favorite place sweet frog frozen yogurt.

 

awww cute.

Then he text me back and says “notice anything?”

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Oh god, new baby earrings!!! So adorable!! C has to do that stuff because I can’t watch. He said her eyes got all big and when they walked away she looked him square in the eye and said “They HURT me”. Sooooo sad 🙁

I was really unsure if she would keep them in or mess with them because she didn’t really ask for them like O did. But She loved them! She kept showing everybody “Look at my earrings.” She was so proud and she even twists them herself.

pfizer

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O just wrapped her first big time commercial.

It was probably the biggest one she has done so far in terms of competition and work involved on her part. Her BandAid commercial ended up being really big but it was nonunion to start so none of the union pros were able to audition. This commercial was a union job so all the union kids auditioned in addition to any nonunion kids. She had a couple solid lines and a principal role in the shoot.

I must admit I was nervous, we go on these auditions and typically the odds are so stacked against you that you leave and don’t think much more about it. (ok, well that’s such a lie because I think about it every day until I hear it books!)

I took her to the first audition, also called first round/call. We had just been to the same casting office a week or so earlier for a different huge casting (20 kids for a school class) which I was sure she would have booked but alas I will never know what casting is looking for. She did get a callback for that one too but ended up not booking! Bummer.

I will never understand this business and as much as I retrospectively analyze each experience it never paints a clear picture. We arrived on time and hung out in the waiting room. The casting director came out and informed all us moms there were lines for the audition so we all scrambled to get our kids prepped last minute. Usually we get the script ahead of time to practice but this was only a one-liner so it was no big deal. O ran lines a couple times then was called back and skipped her way into the audition room. But when she came out O came out with this look of sadness on her face I was immediately in mad-mom mode wondering what these people said to her.

“what happened, what’s wrong?” she informed me that casting asked her to do other lines that weren’t for her age. LOL. Good thing? Bad thing? One will never know. Except I did learn during the shoot the client thought O was hilarious because she apparently told casting in the audition “those aren’t my lines“. And she was right. And they loved her ‘tude I guess.

Then the callback audition.

This was awful timing for me and C so Grandmom ventured out this time. All was smooth sailing and O said she had fun and did a few more new lines.

O then got a “hold” placed on her, which is when they want specific kids to be available to them while they figure out  which one they will use for the shoot.

When we got the booking call I was nervous and excited.

It’s a lot of pressure wondering how O will be feeling the day of the shoot, if she will be into it or pick that day to decide she’s over this whole “acting” thing.

To top it off O woke up with pink eye two days before the shoot. I was FREAKING. Luckily I treated her with medication I had and it went away pretty quick but she totally woke up full blown sick sick sick the day after the shoot. I did learn a little stress reliever while on set – union gigs always book a back up kid in case things don’t work out with the first pick. PHEW. There were two for O’s role, two for her fake older brothers role and two sets of twins for the baby sister role! That was crazy because all the babies were cranky too. The very last baby of the four ended up working out for the shot.

 

She cracks me up with these roles. Whenever she gets off book for an audition she always incorporates new language from the audition or the characters name into daily play with her sister. She did a voicover audition for a fairy role and had t say “whoopsie-doodle”. Now her and W say “Whoopsi-doodle” all the time. And she makes us call her by her character name all the time too. Maybe she is a method actor? har har.

The shoot ended up going great. It was a lot of work for her but she nailed it. It should air in February – I will be sure to post it 1 million times everywhere I can as soon as I get my hands on it.

wondering stuff

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Do you ever wonder about very deep, random stuff? The existence of man and the depths of the universe? There is such small small small stuff, like an atom and then such large large large concepts like a galaxy. It’s hard for my small mind to wrap around. I’m usually so busy with the really important shit in my own world, like oh damn I have to cook dinner again, when will this ever end? I don’t often have time to just wonder about stuff, plus it creeps me out real bad.

O mentioned something to me today in the car and it made me remember a concept I spent a lot of time thinking about in my younger days, she said something like “oh look the grass is green again” or something to that effect and it made me curious if she was seeing the same colors I was. As well as briefly wonder, what was the color of the grass before it became green again?

It’s one of those mind *uck’s man will never, I will never understand. Scientists probably tested this stuff long ago and I am just behind the times. But if people can be color blind and not even know it then there has to be a chance I see green and someone else sees blue but we are trained to recognize our colors to be called what they are. Is this even a thing? Can this be possible? Am I high right now? Maybe. I do feel a bit jittery and feverish. As I even started typing this for absolutely no purpose but because I have been really MIA lately on the blog all these things keep popping in my head, like what about instincts, what the fuck are those? How do we have instincts still? And how am I sick right now, this is total bullshit. How can I be sick and people walking on the damn moon? It’s not right, seriously.

"I'm just a KID mom"

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Every once in a while I get lucky and witness the girls playing together peacefully, cuddling or otherwise just being totally adorable. O has been teaching W songs recently (when they aren’t throwing down or scaring the shizzle out of each other). O stages W in her “acting scenes” and makes her “say her lines“. It’s adorable. She helps her sing “you are my sunshine” and has been working on ABC’s and numbers with her.

I’m not entirely sure what I witnessed O teaching W last night but it was so cute I had to spy-video it. I got it perfectly on film. I do however have a feeling it won’t be as cute if they actually use this one-liner on me anytime soon. Though I might be impressed at the methodology and thought behind it.

O's favorite things

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I’m big into lists right now. I don’t know why. I actually take that back, I have always been big into lists. My entire life is like a giant, never-ending to-do or grocery list. But maybe because the school season is approaching I have started thinking in an even more structured and nonsensical way about everything in my life.

So to go with the theme of lists here are five of O’s favorite things in life right now;

  1. making messes. It doesn’t matter where, it’s just her thing. Dumping toy boxes, spilling drinks, getting anything and everything everywhere. All messes in my house were created by her. (or the dog. Unless O is shredding dirty diapers and eating sh*t out of the trash can and just blaming the dog but I doubt it.)
  2. scotch tape. Scotch tape is like the newest obsession in my house. She scotch tapes everything. She tries to make books and scotch tape them together, I keep trying to introduce staples as a much more efficient book making mechanism but she won’t stand for it. She even scotch tapes her barbies to stuff, like the kitchen cabinet knobs. It’s like these poor barbies are trapped in giant scotch tape spider web fiasco’s all over my house. It’s both weird and creepy – however may be appropriate to keep around as Halloween Decor.
    1. as a side note W is into that blue painter tape. C uses it to tape down drawings and plans to the drawing table and W likes to rip off 1 million smallish pieces and stick them all over her face and body.
  3. stickers. F stickers. I hate you stickers. I have like a sticker infestation in my house right now. There are stickers stuck to the hardwood floors, toilets, toys, my desk, the kitchen table, the windows… when W was a baby I saw this weird blue thing in her mouth and C and I had to hold her down and dig a blue circular sticker with a flower on it out of her mouth – it was stuck to the roof of her mouth! I kept that one for the baby book obviously. All others stickers get destroyed onsite. 
  4. signs. We have pictorial signs all over the place right now. There is a picture of a girl “scotch taped” (go figure) to the bathroom door because that’s the girls bathroom, sorry daddy you must go outside and do your business. There is a picture of W and another picture of O taped to either side of the family room, because that’s their respective sides of the room for playing. I also found about 8 random signs taped to the wall space above the couch in my office varying in images from flowers to unicorns.
  5. clothes. So she is super obsessed with clothes right now. I know, adorable right? No. It’s effing annoying. She is constantly changing, like “oh, I sneezed and got germs on this shirt – I must change 563 times and throw every article of clothing I own all over the room and for good measure I will also throw some over the upstairs railing down onto the couch in the family room. AND in case that doesn’t drive Mommy to hide in the pantry and drink copious amounts of wine I will THEN proceed to hide the most important articles of clothing, the staples mommy always picks for me to wear in hidden locations, like under the bed or at the bottom of the toy box….”

Listen to me complaining. Like I don’t think everything O does is the most absolutely adorable and hilarious thing ever ever ever. Keep doing your thing O, and I’ll just keep cleaning up after you, it’s my job – plus it gives me great material. (And interesting talking points when my neighbors come over. I doubt anybody else in the neighborhood has Barbies taped to their kitchen cabinets.)

potty

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We have a book “everybody potties”. Girls do it, boys do it, Grandma does it,Kitty does it, Puppy does it… and that’s basically the book. It’s cute and its that thick cardboard so your kids can chew on it and won’t be able to shred all the pages into subway lettuce like a gerbil in heat. Why do kids shred paper? It’s like this instinctual impulse to just destroy, everything. I can;t even build blocks with my kids because it’s always a fight. O has got the hang of it finally but W is like Godzilla still, no building or structure is safe. Maybe they learned it from the dog? She is a major shredder though her specialty is diapers. She doesn’t like the clean ones, the dirtier the better, it’s a sickness really.

Anyway I found this image of our book, I keep it in the car for light reading in traffic.

So I got this for O when she was small and W likes to read it in the car. All you have to say is “Pee-pee” and they go ape-shit laughing like hyenas on crack. If you say “Poop” there’s no coming back from that you will likley have an accident of some sort.

SOOO on to the point, O was begging me to read her “book” she is obsessed with making books these days, and I am annoyed because like any real mom I am always trying to do something that requires my full attention and I am never able to give my full attention to anything because someone is inevitably always requiring something of me AT ALL TIMES > wow, that seems harsh and awkward and a little violent but you know what I’m saying don’t act like you don’t.

So I take a break from whatever it is I am doing to look at her book because. And this is what I find…

IMG_5914 Cover. Awwww. She can write her name so I am not sure what this says but it has a heart and a little girl so I say “Awwww”

IMG_5915  Page 1. WHAT??? HAHAHHA OMG this is a COMEDY, ok damn well if I knew that I would have read it a long time ago, I LOVE comedies. Dude. Leslie Patricelli better watch her back because O is like totally as good an artist, (if not better since she’s 4) than that lady’s artist, or that lady if she does her own artwork.

IMG_5916 then this page. BOOM > that’s what I’m screaming. what. She is clearly on the potty and she is doing her thang. Now, don’t be judgy – I don;t know if that’s the sink or one of those things you use on the beach to search for coins and other relativley metal things, or maybe she’s watching her iPad? I’m not sure, but you know what, it doesn’t even matter. Because my 4 year old writes books biatches and I can actually read them. I am like SO PROUD. She is so funny. And awesome and cute and smart and I just want to SQUEEZE her so hard that her eyes bug out. But in a loving way not a violent way.

Oh BTW when I was looking for the potty book image I found this:

This is so going in C’s stocking this year. I might buy everyone one.