Tag Archives: humor

brownie time

Posted on by

I love baking! Said me, never…    oh, wait great idea!!!!

5 hours later.

So that statement reminded me of those Most Interesting Man in the World memes – and I thought to myself “ohhhhh, you should make one about Baking!”

Like, “I don’t always Bake — But when I do I make a huge fucking mess to remind myself not to do it again anytime soon.”

Stupid, I know, seriously, I KNOW. But what’s worse is the amount of time I just lost of my life reading other peoples hysterical memes. Ugh so funny! How? They are the same over and over and over — and yet STILL FUNNY. Every time.

Ok, so I got some new toys at home I’ve been playing with and decided to make a home movie of the girls baking. It’s long and boring and resulted in me learning (after the fact) that I should not be distributing my baking to any one else, ever due to the unsanitary practices of my children. But the good news is I am learning how to use my software editing program and my various cameras.

so anyway here goes.


▶FOLLOW ME ON YOUTUBE for more stupid videos, hopefully they’ll get better – but no promises.

Amber Unraveled YouTube Channel

 

 

facetime

Posted on by

2

IMG_9699

O just gave this to me. This is an exact replica of Me FaceTiming an erupting Volcano. As you can see there are clear signs of concernicus written all over my face during this call, but don’t you worry O assured me that though she was on site at that volcano during its eruption she was in the bushes, and the lava was going the other way. Phew. I’m even anxiety ridden in my stick figure form.

candy necklaces

Posted on by

Home made candy necklace, or bracelet. Remember candy necklaces? My kids don’t because we are sugar free. We are also grain free, hormone free, glucose free, pesticide free, vegetable free, meat free and least but not least sanity free. Just kidding. But seriously who eats holes through their food. She doesn’t eat like a normal human but more like a caterpillar.

IMG_9749

holiday cheer

Posted on by

I asked O what I should blog about and after we got past the “I don’t know what your even talking about, blogs” like I was talking to some ninety year old woman who says the word “blogs” with such utter disdain and sheer resentment for what the world has come to… sheesh you are four.

anyway we agreed I should write about funny stuff that happened over the holiday break. My funny compared to her funny may be a little different but she had a good idea mentioning our Christmas Elf – Flounder.

My kids got the shaft, actually it was just O because Flounder had been around longer than W. I was walking around Marshalls and saw this sorry looking Elf on the Shelf knock off brand and figured “who cares what it looks like, right?” Little did I know it was going to blow up into this huge Christmas tradition that everyone talks about. I feel bad because Flounder is so ugly, and a bit scary looking but I am scared the girls will freak out if I try to upgrade to the normal commercial Elves that everybody else has.

thumb_IMG_8504_1024

The girls LOVE Flounder though and they are SO into Elf on the shelf. Grandmom babysat a few days before Christmas. I started getting frantic texts the girls were both hysterically crying she had accidentally knocked Flounder off the door frame and then TOUCHED HIM OMG.

I had to hide in an office and make the shape of the heart with my hands and text it back to O so she knew that code meant Flounder would still have enough Christmas magic to get back to Santa.

thumb_IMG_8992_1024

I also ran out of “secret candy” the girls didn’t know about and started using some from our own stash and they were PISSED. O was like Flounder is a thief! 

Effing Flounder has it rough man. I get so annoyed with the shit I have to make Flounder do then clean up that I really lame out on his mischief. Our Elf is really laid back and typically very considerate of my time and energy.

thumb_IMG_8675_1024thumb_IMG_8505_1024

Other random funny shit.

Chris hiding on the ceiling then waiting patiently for me to walk in the bathroom to scare the hell out of me for no reason at all. I don’t know how long he had to wait. Weirdo.

thumb_IMG_8674_1024

O using her birthday makeup to make W look like a hooker.

IMG_9167

A grown ass man riding a pink tricycle.

IMG_9068 (1)

screening

Posted on by

thumb_IMG_7759_1024

Way back in October we had the official screening and launch party for Redmonton. It was so awesome.

C and I had a MAJOR addiction to Entourage, watching episodes (or three) a night. It gave such insight to the upper crust of the industry, I assume it was accurate. Isn’t all tv accurate? And everything on the internet for that matter? Except we all know Web MD is fraudulent, meant to terrorize, but I digress. It doesn’t really even matter if Entourage was accurate because it was super entertaining. Ari and his wife are so so so hilarious, he totally reminded me of C minus the belligerent mouth. Really the whole cast grew on me. I even felt bad for Drama.

Anyways I wasn’t sure what to expect for the screening – I knew there was going to be a Q&A and we were going to watch the first two episodes. I was so nervous! You don’t get to see playback usually when your filming because everyone is so rushed to get done what has to be done. Plus we were always burning the midnight oil which put me wayyyy out of my element, often driving home 1,2 one time 4:00 in the morning on a Friday or Saturday night. It was an amazing experience to spend that much time in front of the camera.

The screening was awesome. It was so Entourage. There was a red carpet and even one of those legit looking back drops and photographers. The irony was my friend R (you know who you are) had just told me we should make a bunch of our own backdrops and just take pictures of ourselves all dolled up like we get around. Not like “get around” in the normal dirty highschool girl slang, but “get around” like party. Like Industry. Ha. Too bad I’m a total not partier and typically hit the hay around 9:30 on a late night. So lame. So the unparty.

thumb_IMG_7758_1024

Redmonton has released approximately an episode every other week. The show has a website, youtube and vimeo channel. I force C to watch the episodes in the family room on the big TV like we’re really watching a movie. He humors me of course.

IMG_8311

Hi Mom I’m on TV! Hehehehe. I couldn’t stop myself.

Here’s a clip below, I liked this clip it has all the girls in the cast in this scene.

 

swiper

Posted on by

W has evolved overnight. She went from fragmented sentences to elaborate pretend play in like the blink of an eye. Her new favorite past time besides literally torturing the dogs by dragging them around the house on leashes and tying them to door knobs, is enacting scenes from the tv shows she watches. Right now she is swiper everything.

She will tell me to say “swiper, no swiping. swiper, no swiping.” then she will use this game as a valid excuse to launch something of value that I am currently doing across the room.

While I was hanging clothes in my closet she pulled shoes of my shoe rack and screamed “YOU’LL NEVER FIND THEM NOW” and threw them out of the closet. Thanks for that. This game sucks.

She threw my toothbrush in the bathtub the other night.

She takes the decorative wooden balls off the top of the dogs bed and throws them on the floor probably hoping I slip on them.

This is hilarious on so many levels. W playing swiper with Nika and then screaming at Lady to Be QUIET. Then W running for her life when Lady starts barking at the door, and poor Nika. Poor, poor Nika.

sorry santa

Posted on by

1

IMG_9074

I took the girls to see Santa last minute, literally just for the picture. I dressed them up and we waited an atrocious period of time to see him since we arrived on his “scheduled break”. Thanks a lot Cranberry Mall website for mentioning that.

Anyway we were next in line and W says “HOLD ME”.

I pick her up and she grabs a big chunk of my hair and breathes heavily in my ear and all over my neck as I squirm not knowing whether she will scream or bite me or what the heck she plans on doing…

She suddenly whispers “I’m going to poop on Santa’s lap.”

no words.