Category Archives: my daily life

chanting

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My kids have been chanting a lot lately and its bugging me out. I try not to worry too much whether my kids are weird or normal or whatever because, let’s face it – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and the forest in this case has a lot of… let’s say character. I don’t know if that made any sense at all, that metaphor just got a bit off track I think. Anyway so back to the point, I literally caught the girls on tape this morning having a chant-fest, I was eating breakfast when I heard these tiny rhythmic voices saying “circle him“, wondering what the H E double hockey sticks kind of demonic game they were playing that would require them to chant “circle him, circle him” I grabbed my cell phone like any sane millennial mom and started rolling the video…

Apparently Captain America was running around pony village like he owned the place reeking havoc and such. So the ponies were all like, ugh no way Captain America your butt is going to jail. Commence ponies circling their intruder like a pack of hungry wolves. I know. It’s not an ordinary game but the certainly get points for originality and I am certainly going to screen My Little Pony episodes a bit more often.

werking out

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I got 99 problems and hopefully all the fat related ones will start shrinking now that I’ve bit the bullet and joined Cross Fit. Yay ME! (feel free to say that in a very sarcastic tone)

What!? You scream in disbelief. Girl, you crazy. I hear you thinking. Yes my friends, I have truly lost my ever loving marbles. I just had my first class tonight and I am very happy to say I survived. It was a bit less traumatic than that time I started Insanity but then again I didn’t have a room full of cross fitters staring at me doing Insanity either.

I’m not going to lie and say it was fun or easy or awesome or anything remotely pleasant because lets be real here people – who likes working out? Ok, besides all the people who were just in that Cross Fit class I was in, who all appeared to oddly enough reallllly like working out. Though to be fair, I probably appeared to be having a grand time with that stupefied shit eating grin I was sporting the entire time. What other facial expression should you have in a room full of strangers that your squatting in front of?

So I’m starting small. If I can finish his week I will feel so proud of myself. Then I may aim for a month r something. Hopefully my interest won’t sputter out like with everything else exercise related. Maybe I will get to post one of those before after pictures in like a month when I get all jacked. How cool would that be. While surfing for a cool cross fit photo to use on this blog post I found a pregnant woman squatting and I promise you even she was more fit and capable than I am.

Lets review some reasons I despise working out:

  1. um, its hard duh
  2. afterward I not only look, but also feel like Jello
  3. it forces me to wash my hair more often, so lame
  4. rigormortis sets in for a few days
  5. takes up like all my tv time
  6. makes me hungrier, kinda defeating the purpose here
  7. makes me sleep like a dead person, hopefully we don’t have a fire tonight
  8. makes me sweaty which is unbecoming
  9. sometimes I pee my pants doing jumping jacks, I wish I were kidding
  10. takes me away from my family duties, oh ha that one goes on the pro side

The good news is they didn’t ask me what my goals were! I was terrified they were going to ask me what my goals were and luckily I didn’t have to make something up on the spot. I do need to think that one through though because if history is any indication of what kind of stupid shit will fly out of my mouth on the spot…. yikes, I don’t want to have to quit before I even technically join.

Oh and that post picture, sorry but really how could I not? Now nude cross fit would put a whole new spin on things. I would totally watch that. Could be dangerous though for men…

post snow epiphanies

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I learned so much so far in this blizzard. See as follows so you can learn from my errors and be prepared next time, which apparently may be sooner than we all hoped – and by sooner I mean anytime 2016 this side of summer.

  1. Ration your snacks. I ate all my snacks Friday night and had to suffer the rest of the weekend on sub par ordinary snacks, it was awful.
  2. Buy extra crafts for your children (or yourself). I bought a bag of crafts Thursday and as I was being given the snowmagedon rundown my thieving childrens found my bag and blew through the stash. Little shits.
  3. In addition to toilet paper make sure you have laundry detergent and dishwasher detergent! I mean seriously??? I get stuck in my house for a long weekend and instead of being productive and washing stuff I ran out of BOTH types of detergents. This is like my personal ADD and compulsive cleaning hell.
  4. Don’t lift huge pieces of frozen salt over your head because in the middle of the night when you scratch your scalp you will flip your shit when you feel the crumbles that fell into your hair and think you have bugs or lice or crabs or some other disgusting something in your head. I was mostly asleep so the first thing I thought was “sand” from the beach today… Wait – WHAT!!!!?????? The salt blocks were SO frozen I had to use a sledge hammer to crack them then lifted them over my head to heave them to the ground, yes I’m like Thor, so very strong.
  5. Get water proof gloves. Dammit.
  6. Rent lots of movies with sexy men. Because. (actually does anybody rent movies anymore? oh well.)
  7. Make sure you buy cough drops. As much as I screamed at my children this weekend by Sunday my throat was very sore. I really needed some. Wine sufficed, but lets be real here what isn’t it good for. Except for carpet, wine is never good for the carpet.
  8. ok, I realllly wanted this to be a ten items list but I’m out of additional tips for now.
  9. STAY WARM!
  10. Just seeing ten on here makes me happy even if this is just bogus words to fill space. Don’t Judge!

 

storm prep

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We get snow out here where we live, a lot. It’s no big deal, we are used to it. Plus C plows so I am used to riding the storm out solo. Yes it’s lame and boring but now that I have kids (and cable) I have entertainment.

This year though we haven’t had any snow. No white winter, not even real cold until this week. Now we are supposed to have a blowout. Like mother nature has been constipated all winter and instead of her regular small to medium snowstorms she drank a cup of my “smooth-move tea”, which by the way is anything but smooth, and we are all in for a massive system evacuation.

C went full throttle too on the precautionary measures, he got a generator, a kerosine heater AND left me a machine to attempt plowing our driveway. It almost begs the question – ummmmm, what about all the previous years??? He must realize that if something happens to me, he will have two children to take care of so he’s terrified. It makes sense.

Sooooo C gave me the run down on all the man-chores I would be required to perform. I call them man chores because most ladies men do these chores, because their outdoorsey and dangerous and most women tend to the kids and are usually barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, cooking their men dinner like a real woman should. Hahahah thats’s a total joke we all know I don’t cook. Anyway, it was pretty a very disturbing evening for me and my nerves.

C gave thorough and specific directions which my brain translated as follows;

  • do not touch the hot end of the power cord after you plug it into the running generator – or you will get electrocuted and YOU WILL DIE.
  • do not forget to open the garage after you start the generator – or everyone WILL DIE.
  • do not forget to turn on the generator if the power goes out – or everyone will freeze AND DIE. And the pipes in the house will burst, but you will be DEAD either way, whichever happens first.
  • when the power goes out first turn off all the breakers in the house before tuning on the generator – or it will catch on fire, blow up, explode, I can’t remember what happens but it would be very very bad, IMMINENT DEATH.
  • when the power comes back on first turn off the generator then turn the breakers back on or it will… see above, IMMINENT DEATH.
  • directions for the kerosine heater and the skid loader were very much the same.

The good news is we are in Day 1 of snowmagedon 2016 and we have had no casualties. Spirits are up and we are hanging on to hope. (hope of C coming home and doing all this BS work so I don’t have to) I will keep you all posted.