they hear everything

There is something to be said for hearing or seeing yourself through the actions and voice of your child. That certainly sounds sentimental and deep but that’s definitely not where I was going with this. I was specifically referring to all the times I hear my kid screaming at her Barbie’s and think “oh god, what am I doing to her?” It started at a young age, I can remember the first time like it was yesterday (considering she is only 3 it really wasn’t that long ago, but whatever) anyway picture this; it’s a beautiful day, O is running around the yard holding a helium balloon tied to a stuffed animal, sound innocent enough? Only then I catch what she’s saying – “SMILE! Stop it – stop it Balloon! I said Stand Still, no look at me, SMILE, LOOK AT ME!” I said “O, what are you doing?” and she looks up and says “I’m just trying to take this balloons picture!” Note to self – NEVER go into the child photography business.

the tip of the iceberg

Her my little ponies get time outs like all the time. I mean those darn ponies can’t get anything right apparently. And the way she talks to her daddy is hilarious – I mean totally inappropriate. First she called him by his first name for like, ever. That was a riot until she started calling me by my first name too then it just got weird. She tells her daddy what’s up all the time too, like how he can’t let the baby run inside because she will do another friggin’ faceplant. I don’t care who you are, listening to a 3 year old rationalize with their father about childcare for their baby sister is funny, especially when she’s standing there palm up, eyebrows raised and using her little lecture voice and the words friggin’ faceplant. (guess she got that from me – oops)

But seriously, how are you supposed to discipline your kid (and keep a straight face) when she is looking at you saying “mommmmmmmy, why are you being grumpy gills?”

Or when she tells you that you “are really not allowed to use those inappropriate words” when you tell her to clean up her toys.

What should you do when your kid tells the doctor she has “crazy hair”, thankfully it wasn’t her regular pediatrician….

Or that the public restroom “smells so stinky it’s going to make her throw up” – this happens frequently.

Like right now she’s pulling my arm telling me to “separate from my work and recognize her”, first off who even talks like that?