Holy Smokes. Betty White just turned 96! I legitimately thought she died a few years ago. I may have even told people she was dead. Sorry about that Betty and Thank You for being a friend.

Golden Girls got me through some hard times in my life, it aired in September 1985 and I had just turned 2 so I imagine things were very stressful learning to potty train and such. Seriously though, Golden Girls was soooo good. Rose, so funny, such a total lovable dumbass, and Blanch always hoeing around and dramatically answering the door. I loved that show. Maybe that will be my next binge watch, wonder if I can stream it off Netflix…? I do honestly just identify with old ladies though so much more than young girls. Just hanging in the kitchen all the time wearing variations of silk robes and drinking coffee. I loved all the gals, except Dorothy. She was always snarky and complaining. She must be the originator of resting bitch face. She always got the shaft in wardrobe too, wearing tacky pants suits most the time and yelling at her little old mom. Now that I think of it, I am Dorothy. Dammit. All I want to be is Blanche, but I’m the un-sexy Dorothy. And Waverly is Sophia and Oakley is Rose. Ugh, Chis is Blanche. Double Dammit.

My favorite interactions with old ladies these days is at the grocery store Sunday mornings. My check out lady today was just perfection. I love that they get all dolled up for the days outing, they wear their jewels and put on full hair and make-up. I just wanted to invite her back to my house to sit on the couch and tickle my back with her mauve acrylic nails. And if they are wearing Elizabeth Arden’s White Diamonds fragrance forget it. Literally makes me contemplate kidnapping. We would have so much fun together. She could make me hearty meals with gravy and pancakes in the mornings. She could do my laundry and brush my hair. SIGH I think I actually need a nanny, but like, for myself. Ok, this may be getting out of hand…

 (<– this is amazing BTW)

Back to Betty White though, what a gem she is. Here is a list of my most favorite Betty White quotes that I just now looked up on the internet;

“Get at least eight hours of sleep. Nine if your ugly.”

“I may be a senior, but so what? I’m still hot.”

“Why do people say ‘Grow some balls?’ Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”

“My answer to anything under the sun, like ‘what have you not done in the business that you’ve always wanted to do’, is Robert Redford”

“I always mean what I say. I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.”

“My claim to fame is that I’m the only woman in the world who hasn’t slept with Tiger Woods”

“I’m not a good person. The first thing I do when I get home is kick my golden retriever. And when he says ‘why, mommy?’ I say, ‘Don’t ask questions.’”

“Vodka is my hobby.”

“I’ve always liked older me. They’re just more attractive to me. Of course, at my age there aren’t that many left.”

“If the guy’s a cutie, you’ve got to tap that booty.”

“The older you get the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”

Betty. You’re a riot. I hope you make it to 97. Shit, I hope I make it to 97 too. CHEERS!